Just checking in from my astrofuquery bolthole to see how the weekend is treating you, darklings. Venting, ranting and non specific shots across the bow welcome here. Better out than in and splattered in such a way as not to cause irreparable damage in real life, non?

Mercury retrograde is here. Now. In Aries.

Before you hit any kind of panic button or prepare to ascribe every single shitty thing going on in your life to it, a heads up. Mercury retrograde is a test you can only pass if you do your revision. Herewith your cheat sheet, darklings. Pin it to the dartboard.

The next few days should rightly have been circled in blood on that calendar of Kittens Doing Things you received from Secret Santa. Pourquoi? Grab a vat of something to stop thy head spinning and pull up a pew. The Church of Latter Day Sanity Saving is in sesh. With the Sun, Mercury, Venus and Uranus in Aries the mood has seriously fired up.

Musing on time travel as the multiverse conspires once more to shift its space time disco through our lives. Perhaps it is the glut of spare days or the slower pace that immobility affords but my forward motion has stilled. In its place are long moments of contemplation, an abyss of ideas that I have until now simply leaped over in my hurry to get to the imaginary line I have drawn in the future.

And so the wheel turns once more, this eve at 3.15am Wollombi time when the sun storms into the firebrand go-getter energy of Aries. Crossing the equator as he goes, the sun king delivering our equinox tipping point when day and night are of equal length. Our Northern friends begin to rise and stretch into Spring as here in the South we begin the descent towards the dark cauldron days of Winter.

This is a flux capacitor, invented by fictional Dr Emmet Brown in 1955 to enable time travel in his DeLorean. It stored the power held in a lightning bolt which when unleashed neatly zapped you into another dimension of time and space.

After nearly eight weeks of our twisted firestarter in tell it like it is Saggilands (yes simmering beneath us all right throughout eclipsia) well may we be due for a more productive fire in our bellies. Mars move into Capricornia hot on the heels of the new moon in Pisces augments the fresh start vibe and gives us the impetus and desire to grab our life by the horns.

Quite the bewitching hour, the moon new in Pisces is a shapeshifting wonder that enchants already shimmering skies. It is from here that we traipse into unchartered territory as the changes wrought in eclipsia continue to ripple.

The dark moon in Pisces before she emerges anew is a deep abyss in the cavernous ocean of the self. These are the closing moments of eclipsia, whose peculiar medicine has been as unsettling as it has been instructive. Holy mother of Neptune what a colossal catalyst she was. Here now we tread water in the closing degrees of the zodiac, a place built on drawing conclusion.

For the next few days Mars and Chiron dance again in a capoeira style face off at the tail end of Pisces. All too soon Chiron will be joining the Aries party, having ideally prepared us for the ram's playing field by drowning us in our unresolved merde for eight years. Bless.

Welcome to the Academy of Chiron, a learning institution founded on principles that at first, second and fortieth glance seem fuqing ridiculous. You want me to sign up to deeply revisit all the very worst shit that ever happened to me or that *gasp* I did? Righto. How bout no.

If you have been fairly choking on the constant change of the last little while or longer, a cosmic let off is here. Ish. In the last few days Jupiter has shifted into reverse gear in Scorpio. First cab heading back off the rank, his retrograde retraces his steps as far back as last October.

It is nearly three weeks since I made a snap decision that snapped me. The tail end of a ball tearer of an eclipse season for me as it ripped through my chart, my world, my life. It yanked me out of the trajectory I was on - several times - meticulously planned to take me far from where I am now.

Oh International Womens Day, here you are again gifting at least half the world's population just the one day every year to officially fly the sisterhood flag. In the face of gross gender disparity, unequal pay for the same work and the lioness's share of emotional labour across the board.

Certainly harsh words will be going cheap as Mercury breaks the watery stranglehold and charges into Aries in a few short hours time. A boon for bombastic manchildren in large white buildings everywhere *snore* Mercury's move into Aries is the early warning bell for his impending retrograde.

Achtung darklings as our season of dramatic change rolls on. Very soon now Urania makes his epic move from Mars ruled Aries into Venus ruled Taurus, as lady love nods her approval from Aquaria. Our world rebalancing over the next seven years from a skewed masculine dominance to the equally powerful balm of the feminine. We will learn how to care for, protect and preserve all that we love.

Welcome one, welcome all to the full moon hangover. How did that do nothing / say nothing / keep to yourself thing work out for you? Yeah. Me too, darklings.

“I’m not like other men”

Tweet of the year or maybe just the best bellylaugh so far.