Welcome to the Academy of Chiron, a learning institution founded on principles that at first, second and fortieth glance seem fuqing ridiculous. You want me to sign up to deeply revisit all the very worst shit that ever happened to me or that *gasp* I did? Righto. How bout no.

If you have been fairly choking on the constant change of the last little while or longer, a cosmic let off is here. Ish. In the last few days Jupiter has shifted into reverse gear in Scorpio. First cab heading back off the rank, his retrograde retraces his steps as far back as last October.

It is nearly three weeks since I made a snap decision that snapped me. The tail end of a ball tearer of an eclipse season for me as it ripped through my chart, my world, my life. It yanked me out of the trajectory I was on - several times - meticulously planned to take me far from where I am now.

Oh International Womens Day, here you are again gifting at least half the world's population just the one day every year to officially fly the sisterhood flag. In the face of gross gender disparity, unequal pay for the same work and the lioness's share of emotional labour across the board.

Certainly harsh words will be going cheap as Mercury breaks the watery stranglehold and charges into Aries in a few short hours time. A boon for bombastic manchildren in large white buildings everywhere *snore* Mercury's move into Aries is the early warning bell for his impending retrograde.

Achtung darklings as our season of dramatic change rolls on. Very soon now Urania makes his epic move from Mars ruled Aries into Venus ruled Taurus, as lady love nods her approval from Aquaria. Our world rebalancing over the next seven years from a skewed masculine dominance to the equally powerful balm of the feminine. We will learn how to care for, protect and preserve all that we love.

Welcome one, welcome all to the full moon hangover. How did that do nothing / say nothing / keep to yourself thing work out for you? Yeah. Me too, darklings.

“I’m not like other men”

Tweet of the year or maybe just the best bellylaugh so far.

This is an official Astrofuckery Alert. Further to my last post exhorting us all to do nothing under this lunar peak may I introduce today's cautionary tale.

Neptune is the planetary ruler of Pisces, currently planted therein and casting his significant haze over errything right now. And here we be. Craving escapism. Dreamscape gone batshit crazy. Enmeshed in drama. Mired in self harming delusion. Intuition on fire. Seeing through the matrix to the inconvenient truth. Visionary and vulgar all at once.

If you have found yourself feeling more than a little blue or indeed crying buckets over the last little while, you can thank almost all our major planetary players in water signs. Oh my giddy aunt there is a lot of emotion coursing about us and through us right now. Hand me the bloody tissues. No, just give me the whole box please.

Monday meditation brought to you by the starlings that live in UK nature sanctuary Minsmere. This is hands down my favourite natural phenomenon, one I have been lucky enough to witness with my own eyes many moons ago, way out west as the sun was setting over open plains.

Aaaaaand everyone back in your corners. The weekend's Mars Venus stoush coinciding with the quarter moon delivered a veritable shitfight. Trouble in paradise shitting questionable magic all over your relationships, darklings? Hardly surprising when these two are operating at cross purposes.

Post eclipsia can be overwhelming at the very best of times. So much fast paced change, all those heartquakes and headphoons and a finish line that resembles virtually nothing familiar. Tis a lot to choke down, let alone to do so underwater. Cue Pisces season to switch us from stewing to marination.

Last weekend as vital part of the post eclipsia change of state, the sun claimed his place in enchanted Piscean waters. He was joining Mercury, Chiron still weeping, our lady of love Venus and chief shaman and ruler of Pisces, Neptune in deliciously deep blue. Here may we submerge ourselves gracefully (or artlessly if that's all you have left) into the everloving waters of possibility and highest potential.

Post eclipsia feels often manifest as a deep desire to run for the hills or the coast or whatever new land you would hit first if you just started swimming. The stomach churning wild ride that is eclipse season is always equal parts lifechanging and crazymaking. Turned up to 11 if you have much Leo or Aquarius in your chart. What you will know for sure: life looks vastly different than it did three short weeks ago.

This is what it looks like mere moments before The Unexpected wallops you with a post eclipse backhander. Bless. I have no fuqing idea what's coming.