Nursing a fractured ankle gives you far too much time to think – and yes yes, plenty to write too. The very best part of writing is the thinking, turning thoughts and words and wonder over and up and down in my mind. I have spent days gazing at this beautiful view.
It is nearly three weeks since I made a snap decision that snapped me. The tail end of a ball tearer of an eclipse season for me as it ripped through my chart, my world, my life. It yanked me out of the trajectory I was on – several times – meticulously planned to take me far from where I am now.
It forced me to ask for help and to rely on the kindness of others, two things I have always been loathe to do lest I seemed incapable or dependent or needy. Lest it was conditional, slyly wrapped in ulterior motive. Lest it hurt like it has in the past. It has me musing on how I crafted my life as an island so I would never have to again, a devastatingly lonely ruse that has not proven itself.
It has shown me my kin, lit up like beautiful beacons when my eyes desperately search them out, as my heart reminds my body and lectures my mind on the truth of my relationships. Because when it comes down to bare bones, actions usurp all the pretty words. I am being schooled in compassion and patience and love. I am being slowed to make sure I get it.
I wrote a lot during eclipsia about how in the face of so much change, there is much to be said for cultivating the not-knowing. A delicious and infuriating riddle that forces our hands just as it makes us sit on them. The unknown is a terrifying place no matter where you perch on the spectrum of recovering control freakery. And aren’t we all, darklings? Just ask that last Virgo full moon.
There is just no skipping lightly over anything right now. You can’t make up the shit that is going on. It plays hard to like and cunning. It is playing long and for keeps. It has purpose but not reason and all too infrequently makes any sense.
The only thing I know is that it will, one day when all this has been relegated to hilarious tales best told over a cuppa or a glass of something. Or many.
Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans
~ John Lennon
Words © Kerrie Basha, 2018